Ups and Downs
by CaroxxJane
Summary: Fiona's mood swings seem worse than usual.  Fiona-centric, Fiona/Holly J, sort of established relationship.  One-shot.


**A/N: **I wrote this directly after Try Honesty part 2. It was going to be part of something multi-chaptered, but it sort of works as a stand-alone. If anything doesn't make sense, feel free to comment and tell me.

There are days when Fiona feels like she can tackle the world.

On these days, she wears neutral colors. She doesn't feel the need to hide behind her flashy clothes and her checkbook. She can just be herself.

She feels like she can go out and fix everything that's wrong with the world. She asks Holly J if she's planning any fundraisers because she wants to help. Holly J smiles and tells her that there's nothing going on.

This doesn't faze her. She goes home and donates to several local charities, barely paying any attention to her bank account balance. It makes her feel good about herself.

She calls Declan and listens to him whine about his break-up with Holly J. She doesn't even feel guilty when she does this. Even though she's somewhat responsible for their not getting back together, she knows that he'll have moved on soon enough.

She gives him her input, something that she never does.

_Don't worry, things will work out._

_You can find someone better._

_I believe in you._

She usually just lets him talk, but actually takes part in the conversation, today.

When they're done, she does her homework. She checks and double-checks her work, making sure that she gets every answer right. She wants to do a good job, make herself proud.

She calls Holly J, inviting her over. Less than ten minutes later, Holly J is at her door.

She smiles, giving her girlfriend/best friend a kiss, before they go back to her room and sit on her bed. They spend the next two hours talking animatedly about random subjects. School, movies, books, and everything in between.

And then they get on the topic of what they _are_. Where they're going. If they actually _want_ to go anywhere. It's never really been discussed.

Fiona's good mood almost diminishes, but then Holly J smiles at her.

_Let's make this work. _

Holly J spends the night with her, wrapped in her arms. The sound of her gentle breathing lulls Fiona to sleep.

Then there are days when Fiona feels like the world has tackled her.

On these days, her style of dress gets more bold. Bright oranges and greens with borderline garish accessories make up her wardrobe. She wants attention, so she dresses like a flashing neon sign, so people will see her.

She skips her last class to go shopping. She spends over five-thousand dollars in an hour. She doesn't remember what she bought. It doesn't matter.

Her mother calls and she presses the 'ignore' button. Instead of talking to her mother, she pulls the bottle of champagne out of her refrigerator and sits down on her kitchen floor. The first few sips are sweet, light and fun. After that, she just feels pathetic.

She ends up crying, but she doesn't know why. Nothing traumatic has happened to her, recently. She shouldn't be so upset, there's nothing wrong. Nothing is allowed to be wrong.

She doesn't want to mess this up. She's got it so good, now. The perfect life, no need to mess it up. Problems can't exist.

The alcohol is numbing her senses, numbing her. She stands up on shaky legs and heads to bed, she'll need to sleep this off.

Once in her room, she catches sight of herself in her full-length mirror. Her long hair is tangled, she forgot to brush it before leaving her condo. Her tears left visible tracks on her cheeks, dragging her mascara down with them. Her usually grayish eyes appear a vibrant blue, due to their blood-shot whites.

She looks awful.

Before she knows what she's doing, her hand is colliding with the glass, making only a small crack. This doesn't satisfy her, so she hits it again and again, until the mirror practically shatters. She can't see her face through all of the broken glass. She slowly pulls her hand away, wincing at the pain. It's only then that she realizes she's bleeding.

The front door opens and she panics. It's too late to do anything.

Holly J walks through the door, smiling at her, until she sees the broken mirror and the way Fiona is staring at her hand.

Fiona imagines how she must look, caught red-handed, literally. She tries to stutter out an apology, but Holly J gives her an understanding look.

She tells Fiona to sit down on the bed, while she goes to get the first-aid kit. Fiona does as instructed, inspecting her injured hand.

Holly J returns a moment later and takes her time cleaning and dressing the wound. Fiona averts her eyes, partly because of the blood, partly because she can't face Holly J. She's too ashamed.

She feels a hand on her shoulder and turns her head. Fresh tears well in her eyes. Holly J pulls her close, letting her rest her head on her shoulder.

She cries for what feels like forever, her tears soaking through Holly J's shirt. Holly J doesn't seem to care, she just sits there, stroking Fiona's hair and whispering comfort in her ear.

_It'll be okay._

_Just let it all out._

_I'm here for you._


End file.
